I don’t FEEL like a disciple…(really, this time)

Can you use the same title twice?  Is that against blogdom
etiquette?  Well, I’m going to today and if I get called to the
Principal’s office then it won’t be the first time!

I read the title of the post below this morning (after a little Anne
Lamott and a chicken biscuit) and I realized that I really don’t FEEL
like a disciple.  I feel like a lost pet trying to find his way
home.  I feel like a toddler clomping around in his daddy’s
boots.  I feel like a blind man who’s trying to teach other blind
people what blue, or purple, or red is.

I always thought that as I grew in my faith I was supposed to feel more
stable, more steady, more solid.  Instead I feel clumsy.  I
stay confused most of the time.  I reach into the bag of answers
and keep pulling out more questions.  I’d really like 10 easy
steps to following Jesus, but I’m afraid I’d never get past step one
without tripping and scraping my knees.  I keep on, though. 
That’s the point, I guess.  Trusting God and slugging along. 
Stumbling at times makes you realize how much risk there is in

I’ve got this picture in my mind of me trying to follow Jesus along the
seashore.  Not in the cheesy “Footprints” kind of way, but me
actually walking and trying to catch up with him.  Then a wave
comes and the chill takes my breath away and knocks me down for a
minute — but it’s a little exciting too because it is the ocean and it
reminds me of my smallness.  I get up and continue on…tripping
on rocks and sea shells, getting distracted by the others on the beach,
amazed by the smell of salt-water.  “Keep following,” he yells
back to be.  “That’s the point — just keep following.”

I want to KNOW Christ and the power of his resurrection and the
fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his
death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.


~ by Chris Green on November 4, 2004.

2 Responses to “I don’t FEEL like a disciple…(really, this time)”

  1. Hey brother,The more that you know, the more that you know you don’t know. 🙂 Hey, it’s called spiritual maturity! LOL. I just had this conversation with my seminary supervisor. We laughed, because the reality is we know very little, but we know that God is God. So I trust that God knows and I keep plugging along seeking God… trusting that God knows me better than I know myself. Praying for grace… praying for mercy.Great post!Rick

  2. Love the beach analogy…Love the passage…one of my favourites…one of the ones that says…”follow me!”One of the neat things though, for me, is that when Jesus take says, take my yoke, for my yoke is easy, I think what he’s saying is, “I’m right there with you!” On the beach, in the waves!” And when we stumble and fall, he’ embraces our broken spirit and says, “let me lead you back home”Sorry, got carried away there…thanks for the honesty!

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